It’s not that freaking difficult, people!
Posted by Steve | Filed under Work
Luser comes into my office (IT manager)
Her: Is there any reason my monitor won’t turn on when I hit the spacebar?
Me: Maybe it’s not on. Did you check?
Her: I dunno how to look for that.
Me: I’ll handle it…..walk into luser’s office, turn the monitor on and walk out w/o saying a word.
We’ve had computers here for ten+ years now and I’m pretty fucking sure that ON was covered the first day of class.
Do you give to the homeless?
Posted by Steve | Filed under General
Sometimes I do if they REALLY look homeless. A lot of the homeless in L.A. are pretenders just trying to avoid working for The Man all day. Maybe they’re out of work actors…I dunno.
The Century Blvd exit from the 405 (my exit to the office) must be prime panhandling territory because I see 4-5 different guys working that corner. They’ve all got the fancy sign proclaiming “homeless” or “please help”. Some of these guys put some serious effort into designing that thing too. Most of them are clearly pretenders though.
The true playa for real is a guy I call Whitey. Why? Well cuz he’s white. He’s actually brown though. He’s got that dirt that looks so ingrained on him you don’t think he’ll ever get clean now matter how many showers he takes. I’m pretty sure if Whitey ever got undressed to shower he’d kill all life forms within a 20 foot radius. Whitey is usually wearing about 10 layers of clothing but you can tell by his face he’s about 120 lbs. Whitey is definitely homeless. There is no doubt. Truely homeless people are oblivious to their surroundings, especially street noise. If they hear sirens or screeching tires they don’t turn to look because they hear that 24/7. It’s like birds chirping to them. One day I saw Whitey sleeping on the corner with his homeless sign leaning against him. My man was KNOCKED…THE…FUCK…OUT! This is a busy exit ramp too…this road leads to Los Angeles airport. He had like 10-12 pigeons walking around him picking up crumbs. I wouldn’t be surprised if a few didn’t just park their asses right ON him. Whitey is the guy you can give money to and just know he will buy some food. I’ve never seen him drinkin alcohol…unlike Dude.
Dude is a black guy, probably around 50-55′ish. Hell, he might be 40. Who knows. He ain’t homeless. He might not have a place to call his own but he definitely sleeps indoors at night. He’ll walk right up to your car and try to get you to roll the window down so he can mumble something. You either oblige and reach for some coin or you hurriedly lock the door and wish you could drive from the passenger seat. There is no middle ground with him. Dude looks able-bodied so I wouldn’t give him jack. He could at least go recycle some damn cans or something. I wanna roll the window down and yell ‘GET A FUCKING JOB, BIATCH…YOU’RE MAKING US LOOK BAD’. He’s never wearing the same clothes two days in a row and he doesn’t have more than a few weeks growth of facial hair. Dude’s problem is the bottle. The other day Dude was B-U-S-T-ED ass drunk at the exit. I’m not sure he could’ve made it to the car and back standing if you held out a wad of hundreds. I thought he was going to get hit. I almost wanted to give him money just so he’d sit his black ass down.
All the other corner workers I will collectively call Hector. No, they aren’t all hispanic. I’m just too lazy to break them all down. They’re not interesting characters like Whitey and Dude anyway. Except one guy I have now dubbed The DJ. The DJ was working the corner Monday wearing headphones and bopping to the music. Dressed than most day laborers, if he’s got money for batteries he don’t need my help. I need batteries for my digital camera now. Maybe I can get The DJ to panhandle some for me. Hey yo, DJ? Can a brotha get some Energizer 3-Volt Photo Lithium’s? Those puppies are expensive and I need to get my shutterbug on….ya heard?DT out!
Edit – this morning I watched The DJ pull out some sunglasses, blow and dust ‘em off then cool as a cucumber slid ‘em on under his LA Dodgers hat and recommenced bumpin tunes on his mp3 mplayer while flashin his “Please Help” sign….only in Cali.
Lies and the fucking lying liars who tell them
Posted by Steve | Filed under Amore & Vita
What is the deal? Why do it? Do you really think people believe everything that comes out of your mouth just because they don’t confront you with it right? It just doesn’t seem like keeping all your lies straight would be worth the hassle, especially when the lie doesn’t really buy you anything to begin with.
The unmitigated gall of some people to think others are too stupid to see through your bullshit. Like bad cologne, your arrogance arrives in the room five minutes before you do.
Posted by Steve | Filed under Amore & Vita
I really need to sit down with a bottle of wine and put pen to paper…or fingers to keyboard as the case may be. I have a lot of unfocused thoughts and ideas that have been running around in my head for quite some time now. Maybe this weekend I will get started on something.
I do love a glazed donut but not this much…
Posted by Steve | Filed under General, Jokes, Newsworthy
A few days ago there was a story making the rounds on the news wires about Krispy Kreme introducing a new donut that would be made of whole wheat and low on calories. NBC affiliate WAGT in Augusta picked up on this hard-hitting story, however it looks like they don’t exactly have an eagle-eyed production staff in the newsroom when you look at the on-screen graphic they used in their report. Watch the YouTube video below or click the image above for an enlarged still. This is what happens when you hire idiots that get their on-air graphics from a Google Search without even looking at the results.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7UyTOeee8hQ
