20 Rules of Drunk Dialing
Posted by Steve | Filed under Jokes
1. Only drunk dial when you are drunk. Everything else is false advertisement.
2. It is okay to call someone 27 times in one night. If you don’t remember it, it didn’t happen.
3. If you are going to drunk dial a family member, say something nice. Ex. “Mom I’m in McDonald’s and they’re playing our song. I love you”
4. Dirty talk while drunk dialing is always preferred. Who doesn’t want to hear your best raspy, phone sex voice at 3 in the A.M. asking to bend them over something.
5. Voicemails are always better. This way your friend can let their friends have fun at your expense for days, even weeks to come.
6. Drunk texting is alright… If you are prepared to read what you wrote the next day when you are sober.
7. It is definitely a good idea to call all of your exes and remind them that you were the best lover they’ve ever had and everything they know, they learned from you. This way you can sleep well at night.
8. You can also call this same ex and let him know, that you know, that he/she still loves you. Then explain to him/her that I would still love me too!
9. If you are a frequent dialer, never get mad if someone dials you. Be happy they thought of you in this special time.
10. It is always a good idea to sing on someone’s answering machine or voicemail. Especially a show tune.
11. Drunk dialing should be fun and light hearted or dirty and sex crazed… Never angry.
12. Most likely you will never drunk dial your best friends. They are usually the ones taking your phone away and reminding you that “you have a problem”.
13. If you deleted a number sober, it was probably for a good reason. Do not try to retrieve this number. Nothing good can come from it.
14. Always call someone you know. Finding random numbers in phone books is bad and usually leads to angry dialing.
15. If your cell phone dies, remember everything happens for a reason. Never borrow a friend’s phone to do your dialing.
16. Drunk dialing to foreign country is usually too costly to be a good idea. But if you feel like if you don’t call this person you’ll just die, brake rule 15 and use a friend’s phone.
17. Drunk dialing may lead to drunk muffin stuffing…. Be prepared.
18. When dialing remember that “hanging out” at 3 in the A.M. usually doesn’t involve cards it’s probably going to be more like cheap lube and handcuffs. So be prepared when you really do want to play X-box when your drunk….. “you want me to do what with your box? Play with it?”
19. Don’t drunk dial in the pool, tub, or rainstorm. It only ends up with you blow drying your phone when your far to drunk to be using electronics and you wont be able to drunk dial anymore that night.
20. Never, I repeat, never drunk dial your boss, preacher, grandpa, or friend’s parents. If you are that hard up to call someone, there is an 800 number on Budweiser boxes. The person on the other line always sounds cute, plus I think they are used to drunk dialers
Farewell, my friend…until we meet again.
Posted by Steve | Filed under Amore & Vita, General
Get up. Turn off the computer. Put down the remote control. Get up now. Get dressed. Get out. WTF are you waiting for? Life is out there be lived and enjoyed while you stare at a computer.
This is a dedication to my friend Jason Lane. Jason never waited for life to come knocking on his door. He went out searching for it every single day. He found it, grabbed it by the horns and rode it as hard as he could. I only knew Jason online. Sometimes I’d go months without hearing from him. That’s because he was a doer. He was out doing the things people daydream about. He’d always come back with great stories to tell. Here’s one of his last posts from 10 days ago.
Well boys and girls it’s that time again… I’m off to some god forsaken country… I say this lightly because it’s what my parents always say.
I leave for Chile and Argentina on Nov. the 2 at one pm. Another guiding mission for those of you that know me and what I do for a living. I will be the lead guide for a company out of Mendoza and get paid big bucks to basically take gringos out to fish every day… I do have one other guiding obligation in Feb. and that is to guide Aconcaugua… the tallest peak in the Americas(6,900) meters… for all of those challenged thats about 23,000ft. Wish me luck with the mountain… I’ll need it with eight clients..
Just wanted to let you guys know what was going on in my life since I haven’t really been posting much.. Myself and a buddy are working on a website that will have all of my info on trips and what not and should be done shortly… Thanks guys… you know who you are. I can’t stress how much I appreciate it. Thanks again for all the support and dealing with me on the phone….
Unfortunately Jason never got to take that trip. He was killed when he drove off the road to avoid hitting a deer while driving home at night. He left two families to grieve for him – biological and spiritual.
My point is this – there is no point in being afraid to live your life. It’s going to happen whether you like it or not. It’s going to end someday whether you like it or not. You won’t have the chance to say “wait! I haven’t done the things I want to do!”. Do them. Do them now. Jason took risks everytime he left the house. Those risks didn’t kill him. He died in a way that anyone of us could died. While he was living HE LIVED! You’re taking a risk sitting in that chair. A plane could crash into the building you’re in. Since the risk is still there and you’re going to die whether you’ve done the things you wanted to do or not why not go do them now? Don’t wait for life to arrive your doorstep and invite you to come along. Find out for yourself where live lives; go kick in it’s fucking front door and say “let’s get this party started!”
Jason wouldn’t want us feeling sorry for him. He’d feel sorry for you sitting in that chair. A lot of people are scared of dying. Don’t be scared of living too. You could die reading this blog….so get out. Go now!
See you on the other side, brother.
BEWARE!
Posted by Steve | Filed under General, Jokes
Chinese Proverbage
Posted by Steve | Filed under General, Jokes
- Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
- Man who run in front of car get tired.
- Man who run behind car get exhausted.
- Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
- Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
- Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
- Man with one chopstick go hungry.
- Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
- Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
- Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
- Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
- War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
- Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
- Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
- It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
- Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
- Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
- Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
- Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.
- Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
- Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
GRRRR!!!
Posted by Steve | Filed under Football, Sports
So UT beat UGA. Scratch that….so UT whupped UGA. I was not suprised considering the way our offense has played the last two weeks. The freshman QB’s were not getting the job done at all.
As I predicted one of us was going to be extremely upset and unfortunately that someone is me. I was handling it fairly well until about 30 minutes after the game ended…then I got the call. Yes, THE call. from Belle…at a time of day she pretty much never calls. The “I’m not going to gloat and say anything but I’m kinda hoping you feel it anyway” call. I did not handle that well at all. Especially after she decided to say the words you NEVER say to someone from the South.
She consoles me with the phrase “it’s only a football game”. The insult of all insults. It was pretty much downhill from there on. As anyone who has spent more than 24 hours in the South can tell you UT-UGA is NOT just a football game. Matter of fact football is NEVER just a football game…maybe it is if you’re a fan of Vandy or the West Georgia Wolves who are now 0-5 for the season with only two even remotely winnable games left. Southerners are fond of saying “football is life, everything else is just details”.
After last year’s game Belle refused to even discuss the game…and she’s a girl. I’m pretty sure she’s never strapped on the shoulder pads and heard the “click clack” (Under Armour commercial). It’s been twe….yeah, it’s been a long time since I have either but I still do the living room dance like I’m the head coach on the sideline instructing the QB where the open receiver is.
So there you have it. Belle has possession of the Dogbone trophy. (both schools have dogs for mascots even though UGA VII is way cooler). We haven’t spoken since the call. I suspect her phone will be ringing later tonight…whimper.
A no-win situation
Posted by Steve | Filed under Football, Sports
Today is the worst day of the college football season. The day I’ve been dreading for months now. Well, the night of the Georgia-Florida game could be worse but that’s not for another two weeks.
Tonight it’s my #10 ranked Georgia Bulldogs versus Belle’s Tennessee Vols. No matter who wins one of us will be extremely upset and the winner won’t be doing any gloating if they know what’s good for them.
UGA has played like absolute crap the last two weeks so I was not expecting much from the Dogs, especially since the last time they played in Athens TN took the opening kickoff; marched right down the field for a TD and ultimately won even though UGA was ranked #3 at the time. I even avised a guy at work to bet against UGA and i’m sure he did. Apparently Joe T(ereshinski) is back at QB after hurting his ankle in the first game and the Dogs are playing well in the first half.
Even though this could be a good day for the Dogs it may not be such a good night for me. Either way the loser of this game can pretty much write off getting to the SEC championship game. I was hoping LSU would beat Florida earlier today and that didn’t happen. We both hate Florida. I’ve got my fingers crossed; for what I’m not sure….maybe a 21-21 tie or a meteor strike cancelllng the game. We shall see.
What goes around comes around
Posted by Steve | Filed under General, Newsworthy
This is freaking great. I wonder what other decorations they gave him. 
CNN.com – Officials: Inmate got ‘Katie’s Revenge’ tattoo by force – Sep 29, 2006
VANSVILLE, Indiana (AP) — An inmate serving a life sentence for molesting and murdering a 10-year-old girl named Katie was apparently forcibly tattooed across the forehead by a fellow prisoner with the words “KATIE’S REVENGE,” authorities say.
Anthony Ray Stockelman, 39, was removed from the general prison population for his own safety last weekend after authorities discovered the tattoo, officials said.
Prison officials said an inmate has been identified as a suspect.
