Weekly Jokes
Posted by swingate | Filed under General, Jokes
Butt Measurement
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says: “Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.” With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife’s bottom. Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!” The woman chose to ignore her husband. Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. What’s wrong?” he asks. She answers: “Do you really think I’m going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?”
$500……
A woman was walking down the street when she was approached by a man. The man said, ” I want to have SEX with you right now! I’ll drop 500 dollars on the ground at your feet and in the time it takes for you to pick it up I will screw you from behind and be on my way!”
The woman thought it over and told the man to wait a minute. She called her girlfriend on her cell phone and told her about the man’s proposition. Her girlfriend said ” When he drops the $500 on the ground I’m sure you can pick it up and run before he gets his pants down. Call me back and tell me what happened.”
An hour and a half later the lady called her girlfriend back. “What happened?” the girlfriend asked. The lady said “That Son-Of-A-Bitch had $500 in quarters!”
The Road to Kona
Posted by swingate | Filed under General, Sports, Triathlon
Okay, so I already announced i’m training for triathlon now. This year I’ll just be doing individual 5Ks, 10Ks and half century bike (50 mile) rides. I am currently following a “couch to 5K” running program with some cycling interspersed. I have picked out my first two events for 2006.
Bike – Solvang Half Century on March 11
Run – Seal Beach 5K/10K on April 1. I’ll do the 5K distance.
I might do the Los Alamitos Race on the Base 5K on Feb. 25 if i’m feeling my Wheaties, but I don’t think I’ll be ready at that point. I would aim for the Los Angeles Triathlon sprint distance on Sept 10 but I want to lose at least 25 lbs (preferably 35) before I spend $400 on a wetsuit.
