Stupid is as stupid duhs
Posted by swingate | Filed under General, Jokes, Phun
I’ll never win the Heisman, but maybe I’ll get a Darwin Award someday. One upon a time in Atlanta about 10 years ago I needed gas…imagine that! I pulled into a gas station, went inside to prepay $15 or so (those were the days), walked back to the car, got in, drove directly to another gas station, get out to fill up then realize I never pumped the gas I paid for at the previous station. I was too embarassed to go back and claim my gas, plus it was a black neighborhood. Homegirl behind the counter would have never bought that lame ass story anyway. She would’ve done that sista thing to make her head spin around on her shoulders while she waves her finger talkin bout “Ohh no you didn’t, mister man. I ain’t tryin to lose my job gettin played by no broke ass nappy headed no job havin gotta steal me some gas so I can save me some money for a 3-piece meal from KFC nigga.”
What’s your stupidest move?
Sleeping With The Enemy
Posted by swingate | Filed under Amore & Vita, General, Sports
Bless me, Father. I have sinned. I have committed the most egregious of sins possible for a member of the Georgia Bulldog faithful. No, I did not write a fan letter to Steve Spurrier….okay so maybe it’s the second most cardinal sin possible. I did not just receive a UT Vols t-shirt for my birthday; I actually requested it…and to add insult to injury – I LIKE IT! I may have to give that girl some lovin one of these days. I actually do like the Vols, as long as they’re not playing Georgia.
It’s a lil more palatable since we beat ‘em this year. GOOOOOOO VO……err……DAWGS! SIC’EM! WUFF! WUFF! WUFF!
Strike Three – You’re outta there!
Posted by swingate | Filed under Amore & Vita, General
Yes, I stepped in the batter’s box of love three times in 2005 and got fanned everytime. I sucked at baseball and I apparently suck at this game too.
First Pitch – fastball. She came in and left so fast I hardly saw her coming. I knew I should have let her go by because she already had two teens and definitely didn’t want more. Alas, I was eager to get on base so I swang anyway. That one left me reeling and embarassed for not showing better judgement.
Second Pitch – changeup. The substantially younger girl toy. Never meant to be a serious relationship…just a temporary diversion to satisfy one of our most primal needs, so says Maslow. I warned her not to get attached to me and for once somebody actually listened to me. She listened and I didn’t.
Third Pitch – an off-speed breaking ball…foul ball. I made good contact with Match.com girl’s best. Come to think of it I made good contact with her a couple of times. She never did much for me so I was advised to show some compassion and cut her loose.
Fourth Pitch – curveball. For the first time in 15 years I courted a sista. (Note I have known/been with my ex 11 years so that length of time was partially by design). I had faced a few other negro league pitchers but I chose not to swing at the heat they were bringin. No, Virginia. There is no fucking Santa Claus, you snotty-nosed brat and shock of all shocks it did not work out. The pitch that arrived at home plate was not the one I saw leaving the pitcher’s hand. I was totally fooled. I ignored signs I normally wouldn’t have because I wanted to believe I could hit this one out of the park. No such luck. If I’d just followed my instincts on this one I’d have been out of danger much sooner.
I officially give up on this game. I clearly don’t have what it takes to make the big league – marriage, children, the white picket fence. All I can say is it’s a good thing I don’t believe in the afterlife because if I did I’d be just about done with this one.
- edit – On further reflection I remembered I’ll be taking another swing when I head back to Dixie Land next month…wish me luck. Wow, does this theme look geigh.
O, I wish I was in the land of cotton
Old times there are not forgotten
Look away! Look away!
Look away! Dixie Land.
TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX…..
Posted by swingate | Filed under General, Jokes
Yeah, I realize Halloween was almost 2 months ago now. But this was too good, and I meant to post it at the right time, but it was buried under a ton of other e-mails.
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You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
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If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
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The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
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You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you some.
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It’s O.K. when the person you’re with fantasizes you’re someone else, because you are.
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Forty years from now you’ll still enjoy candy.
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If you don’t like what you get, you can always go next door.
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It doesn’t matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
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Less guilt the morning after.
And the #1 reason WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX….
- You can do the whole neighborhood.
Secrets to a successful relationship
Posted by swingate | Filed under General, Jokes
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Its important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks, cleans & has a job.
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Its important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
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Its important to have a woman who you can trust & doesn’t lie.
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Its important to have a woman who is good in bed & likes being with you.
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Its very, very important that these four bitches don’t know each other.
School Is Out! (for now)
Posted by swingate | Filed under General, Technology
The road to a Bachelor’s Degree in IT from University of Phoenix. The bold classes are already completed…squeeking by with a 3.11 GPA. They’re only 5-weeks each so it isn’t as long as it looks. Most of my upper level Business classes didn’t transfer to this degree track so I lost almost a year of work.
- GEN/300
- SKILLS FOR PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT
- CSS/330
- CRITICAL THINKING AND COMPUTER LOGIC
- CIS/319
- COMPUTERS AND INFORMATION PROCESSING
- COMM/215
- ESSENTIALS OF COLLEGE WRITING
- MTH/208
- COLLEGE MATHEMATICS I
- MTH/209
- COLLEGE MATHEMATICS II (5 WEEK COURSE)
- PHL/251
- CRITICAL THINKING
- BSA/375
- FUNDAMENTALS OF BUSINESS SYSTEMS DEVELOPMENT
- CMGT/410
- PROJECT PLANNING AND IMPLEMENTATION
- POS/370
- PROGRAMMING CONCEPTS
- POS/406
- COMPUTER PROGRAMMING I
- POS/407
- COMPUTER PROGRAMMING II
- DBM/380
- DATABASE CONCEPTS
- DBM/405
- DATABASE MANAGEMENT SYSTEMS
- POS/410
- SQL FOR BUSINESS
- NTC/360
- NETWORK AND TELECOMMUNICATIONS CONCEPTS
- NTC/410
- NETWORKS AND TELECOMMUNICATIONS II
- POS/420
- INTRODUCTION TO UNIX
- POS/427
- WINDOWS NETWORKING
- WEB/410
- WEB PROGRAMMING I
- WEB/420
- WEB PROGRAMMING II
- POS/440
- INTRODUCTION TO C++
- EBUS/405
- EBUSINESS TECHNOLOGIES
- GEN/480
- INTERDISCIPLINARY CAPSTONE COURSE
Taipei Personality
Posted by swingate | Filed under General, Phun
My Bloginality is INFP!!!
As an INFP, you are Intraverted, iNtuative, Feeling , Perceiving.
This makes your primary focus on Introverted Feeling with Extraverted Intuition.
This is defined as a NF personality, which is part of Carl Jung’s Idealist (Identity Seeking) type, and more specifically the Healers or Idealist.
As a weblogger, you have wonderful words to express your feelings because of your idealism. Because you don’t like conflict, you may be likely to make one list of links and leave it for a long time without updating for fear of offending.
