My Roommate got Office Spaced
Posted by Steve | Filed under Uncategorized
She’s always been somewhat difficult to get along with. She’s had four previous jobs since I’ve known her and she’s left every one of them because there was somebody she just couldn’t get along with. Some jobs she quit, some she was let go from but always because of a conflict with someone. It’s never a performance issue because she’s a very hard worker.
She’s like that fairy tale where the princess can feel a pea under 15 mattresses stacked on top of each other. She just has no tolerance for any sort of discomfort whatsoever. As for me if I don’t like somebody I work with I just avoid them or keep my interaction with them efficient and as minimal as possible. She can’t do that. If she doesn’t like someone she has to tell somebody about it…and usually I’m the one she tells.
Now at her current job she’s been moved downstairs away from the other administrative dept people. She’s now sharing an office one other lady nobody can stand to be around, which is probably why she got moved down there to begin with. She’s now threatening to quit if they don’t move her somewhere else. That’s probably what they want. I call it being Office Spaced because in the movie Office Space that one fat guy kept getting his office moved until he was finally in a closet or something.
Uselesss factoids
Posted by Steve | Filed under Jokes, Uncategorized
- If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.) - If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
( Now that’s more like it!) - The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!) - A pig ’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.) - A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I’m still not over the pig.) - Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don’t try this at home, maybe at work) - The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male’s head off.
(Honey, I’m home. What the…?!) - The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It’s like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?) - The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) - Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life…quality over quantity) - Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.) - The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm……) - Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you’re ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) - Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing) - A cat’s urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?) - An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that). - Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.) - Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they’ll live a lot longer, but they won’t be as cool) - Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
These Glutes Are Made For Walking!
Posted by Steve | Filed under General, Jokes, Uncategorized
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nr9TOdQsyOA
I wonder if my gym offers this class…one reason to go more often. 
Everybody talk about pop music
Posted by Steve | Filed under General, Uncategorized
Okay, right now my left ear is blocked and it’s driving me bananas. This happens a lot since I live about 1,200 ft above sea level and I drop down to near sea level getting to work everyday. So I’m online looking for ways to pop my ear and I come across this one.
Aerotitis, aka “blocked ear,” is very painful and takes place when an ear does not adjust to the airplanes pressure changes. It is often experienced by passengers with colds and ear infections.
The following steam/heat remedy usually clears the blocked ear in seconds.
1. Place an airline paper cocktail napkin in the bottom of a small wax-coated drinking cup (found at galley and lavatory drinking water dispensers).
2. Add boiling water from a galley hot-water spigot covering the paper napkin. If you quickly pour off the water, the napkin will steam.
3. After you are sure you have drained off every drop of hot water, tip your head and place the little cup with hot steaming paper over your ear. Pain eases in moments as the steam reaches your eustachian tube.
I don’t get it. Are you supposed to tip your head so the cup is on top of your ear? It doesn’t seem like that would work since steam rises. If you’re going to hold the cup under your ear why bother to dump the water out? Help a brotha out.
Let’s say thanks
Posted by Steve | Filed under General, Uncategorized
If you go to this web site, www.letssaythanks.com, you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq. You can’t pick out who gets it, but it will go to some member of the armed services.
Please send a card. It is FREE and it only takes a second. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the soldiers received a bunch of these? Whether you are for or against the war, our guys and gals over there need to know we are behind them.
What a weekend
Posted by Steve | Filed under General, Sports, Uncategorized
First off SoCal’s Floyd Landis whupped all manner of stinky French buttocks at the Tour de France. This makes 11 of the last 23 years that we arrogant Americans have stolen their beloved event. Meanwhile the French haven’t even had a guy on the podium since Laurent Fignon in 1989. No wonder they hate us. We should have let Germany have the place in WWII. Yessiree, American cycling in the post-Armstrong era is in good stead with Floyd, Levi Leipheimer, Dave Z, Tom Danielson, and big George Hincapie. We just need a few guys in that 20-25 age group like Tyler Farrar to start showing themselves and we’ll be set for the next decade.
It’s like Africa hot here and has been all weekend. Weather.com says it’s 85° and feels like 93°. Now understand something. I’m from Atlanta where it’s 85° or more everyday from April thru October. An 85° day isn’t even hot enough for an Atlantan to talk about…unless you don’t have A/C. Here in Los Angeles few homes near the water have A/C, much less apartments. Basically the heat comes in the apt and there’s no way to get it back out so it’s even hotter inside than it is outside. Fans, which we have in copious quantity only do their job when you’re directly in the line of fire. Everytime I got up to do anything I immediately burst into a sweat. I refuse to pay $600 for a portable air conditioner than I would only use 3-4 weeks a year. So I shall continue to suffer. Pretty sad to think I couldn’t wait to get back to work today just so I could be in an air conditioned room.
On a positive note we finally got a brief thunderstorm. Thunderstorms are the SoCal equivalent of snow; they only happen 2-3 times a year. It’s the closest thing to a change of season that we have. There is an old joke that the four seasons of California are Fire, Earthquake, Mudslide and Riot. In actuality they are Day, Night and Thunderstorm.
Night of the living dead
Posted by Steve | Filed under Amore & Vita, General, Uncategorized
I was sick yesterday. I was queasy and it felt like I was on the verge of puking the entire time. Once I actually went to the bathroom to do it but it was a false alarm. The feeling lessened a little bit in the evening, at least enough to sleep…or so I thought.
I could not get to sleep for the life of me last night. I don’t normally have trouble getting shuteye. I got up and walked around the apartment in my birthday suit a few times, sat with the cat that spends half the night staring at the crack under the door waiting for a shadow to go by. I got on Elite for a few minutes, which was apparently Insomniacs Anonymous Central, then back to bed…nothing.
I ended up lying in bed listening to The Best of Ambient Lounge on my Ipod…an excellent choice. Listening to music this way was a different experience for me. Normally I use music either as Muzak-esque background filler or to put me in a certain mood to do something. I use rap or metal to get ready for the gym; Pop or R&B when I’m driving and more mellow stuff at night. In any case its really the beat that I key into. Last night I actually got into the lyrics more, at least to the extent that I could as it was a European album so some of the lyrics were not English. It felt as if I was just listening to an audio book or something. Interesting how different the experience was.
In any case that didn’t put me to sleep but it did allow me to achieve a vegetative state sufficient to get some semblance of rest. I began to wonder whats become of those weird goth/gay/punk friends I had from my countless nights at Club Rio and Backstreet in Atlanta.
I finally did get to sleep around 5 AM which gave me an hour of peace before the dog jumped on the bed for his morning pet ritual at 6 AM, followed by the alarm at 6:15.
