1. The public restroom toilet paper roll designer guy - Through what reasoning did you determine that 1.8 squares was enough paper to wipe your ass? You sorry tree-hugging Al Gore wannabe bastard. I feel like global warming your balls with a flamethrower. I hope every toilet you use for the rest of your rotten life works that way.
2. 1and1.com - our website host. Every other fucking day you send me an email stating the following:
It has come to our attention that the name server settings for mycompany.com are incorrectly set to:
DNS1: ns0.dnsmadeeasy.com
DNS2: ns1.dnsmadeeasy.com
DNS3: ns2.dnsmadeeasy.com
DNS4: ns3.dnsmadeeasy.com
With these settings neither your website nor your e-mails can be reached reliably via the mycompany.com domain.
For the domain to work properly please make sure that following name servers are set:
DNS1: ns0.dnsmadeeasy.com
DNS2: ns1.dnsmadeeasy.com
Soooooo, what you’re telling me is I need to change my DNS settings to WHAT THEY FUCKING ALREADY ARE!!!!! Nevermind that our website works fine and has for 8 months despite your apparent cluelessness. And why is it every time I respond to say these emails aren’t necessary your tech support dipshits give me a different for why I need to make the non-existent changes anyway? I hope your office toilets give out 0.9 squares per pull. Please die.