Yes, I stepped in the batter’s box of love three times in 2005 and got fanned everytime. I sucked at baseball and I apparently suck at this game too.
First Pitch - fastball. She came in and left so fast I hardly saw her coming. I knew I should have let her go by because she already had two teens and definitely didn’t want more. Alas, I was eager to get on base so I swang anyway. That one left me reeling and embarassed for not showing better judgement.
Second Pitch - changeup. The substantially younger girl toy. Never meant to be a serious relationship…just a temporary diversion to satisfy one of our most primal needs, so says Maslow. I warned her not to get attached to me and for once somebody actually listened to me. She listened and I didn’t.
Third Pitch - an off-speed breaking ball…foul ball. I made good contact with Match.com girl’s best. Come to think of it I made good contact with her a couple of times. She never did much for me so I was advised to show some compassion and cut her loose.
Fourth Pitch - curveball. For the first time in 15 years I courted a sista. (Note I have known/been with my ex 11 years so that length of time was partially by design). I had faced a few other negro league pitchers but I chose not to swing at the heat they were bringin. No, Virginia. There is no fucking Santa Claus, you snotty-nosed brat and shock of all shocks it did not work out. The pitch that arrived at home plate was not the one I saw leaving the pitcher’s hand. I was totally fooled. I ignored signs I normally wouldn’t have because I wanted to believe I could hit this one out of the park. No such luck. If I’d just followed my instincts on this one I’d have been out of danger much sooner.
I officially give up on this game. I clearly don’t have what it takes to make the big league - marriage, children, the white picket fence. All I can say is it’s a good thing I don’t believe in the afterlife because if I did I’d be just about done with this one.
- edit - On further reflection I remembered I’ll be taking another swing when I head back to Dixie Land next month…wish me luck. Wow, does this theme look geigh.
O, I wish I was in the land of cotton
Old times there are not forgotten
Look away! Look away!
Look away! Dixie Land.