The Courtesy Call

Ever given one? Ever gotten one? Who gets one? Who doesn’t? How soon does it come? What form does it come in? WTF is the courtesy call you say? Simple. The courtesy call could also be called the respect call since it is, in most situations, a measure of the respect you have for someone. The courtesy call is about if, when and how you notify former significant others or booty calls of news that either directly or indirectly relates to them.

A friend of mine just found out that an ex-SO of hers is now engaged. Rather than get a personal call or even an email she found out via the Internet. How much time has to go by in that case before a courtesy call is no longer warranted?

Suppose someone you were with found out they got an STD. Maybe it was after you…maybe it was before. Is a courtesy call always warranted? How far apart do the instances of them sleeping with you and them hearing about a possible STD need to be before a courtesy call is not warranted?

What if you’re now dating your friend’s ex or his/her sister? Do they get a courtesy call before the clothes ever come off? Should you wait until you’re exclusive?

What if you’re divorced and so serious about someone else that you’re ready to move out of state with them? Do they have a right to know regardless of whether you still get along or not? Obviously if there are children involved the situation is different.

I had a personal situation where I felt a courtesy call would’ve been prudent. It happened over 10 years ago after I had gone fishing off the company pier. We only went out twice and remained friendly afterward. Well about five months later I’m shooting the bull with some guys in the office. Come to find out Coworker is pregnant! Word was out she had slept with another guy in the office after me but he was vehemently denying he was the father. At this point people in the office know about us since my roommate worked at the same company. One of the guys says to me “DT, you’re amazingly calm about this. What’s the deal?” I said she and I were together five months ago. If it were mine she’d be showing by now. In actuality I was calm because I didn’t know until just now. I was 99.999% sure it wasn’t mine but I called her that night to get the final .0001%. Nevertheless this brotha would have appreciated a courtesy call to say “hey DT. FYI, I’m pregnant and I’m having it but you’re not the baby daddy so don’t trip.”

What are your thoughts on the courtesy call? For me it is about respect. If I’ve shared a significant part of my being with someone and they’ve chosen to share the same with me I feel they are owed a certain something. How do you define when a relationship reaches that point where the other person is just entitled to be told certain things privately and before it becomes public knowledge? Equally important - when are they no longer entitled to know?